Passing Notes
hi Sheena
my quick and immediate response
I have emailed my sub notes to school
didn’t go back in last night
wanted to but my ankle was swollen
and I was crying anyway
and the hill was too snowy
to make it back up
is that I love you
and so many things about you
Lois will be here any minute
and my kitchen is messy like my heart
so I’m doing dishes because it’s too bad
for my friend and house cleaner
to see although I know Lois
will laugh if she catches me
your honesty
your willingness to push your students,
to push yourself
to take risks
phone in hand laying down
to call White Raven Healing Centre
at All Nations Healing Hospital
to cancel our interview with
Margaret Keewatin at one
asking the tough questions
throwing yourself to the world and
ultimately exposing yourself
to the stark realities of life
teaching
when the phone rings
it’s Cathy
I’ve forgotten
Maureen Johns at the school
this morning for her interview
your willingness to share
with me your humaness (is that really a word)
your high expectations of students
your belief in students capacity
your anger when students are disrespectful
and then more anger with self
when you respond to students through frustration
my head is bowed on the phone
cupping my forehead
the dropped ball
bouncing at my feet
I heard you today with Rod
and wasn't sure if I should join
the two of you in Rod's office
I looked in the window
to see if Rod wanted me to come in
and he didn't indicate that I was needed
he is amazing
as are many of the people in the building
yes, I will email interview questions
the audio recorder is in my right computer drawer
beside my socks
yes, I can talk you through it
phone back when you’re ready
I think I would like to read
the book you are reading
it sounds interesting
you talk about reaching some kids
but not sure about the others
and I think that is often
the reality in teaching
regardless of our style
there are some that it will suit
and others not so much
when the red light is flashing
and the numbers are at
00:00:00
you are cued and ready
just push the red button
one more time
but you are willing to reflect
upon that fact and consequently
create again that vulnerable space
it is okay to cry
to be real
to be imperfect
I hang up the phone
Cathy and Maureen bouncing the ball
I’d dropped
a necessary aspect
of all of that
is to also be reflective
Rod has a reflective moment every day
where he looks at the day
what was good, bad, would change, is proud of
I slept some, not enough
finished Brene Brown’s book
The Gifts of Imperfection
I think that is the difference
the "priceless" difference
you are always "reflecting"
and that is exhausting
I think your ankle is trying to tell you that
a long hard look
at our lives
Michael and I
his foot bruised, too
(when you came in to talk to me at noon
and were talking about your ankle
I was thinking
hmmmmmmmmmm
her body is responding to the struggles
she is experiencing in her head/heart)
Brown says that we are enough
that we have enough
enough time
enough wisdom
even enough money
to live with gratitude
I am glad that you are looking
after your emotional, mental, physical, spiritual
professional, personal needs
and staying home tomorrow
to live with joy
Brene explains
brings vulnerability
thank you Sheena for being in my world
teaching me and being
a source of love in my life
and you, Cathy, a source of
courage, compassion, and connection
Brown words
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