Wednesday, March 7, 2012

Day One Hundred Twenty-Four: Passing Notes

Passing Notes

hi Sheena
my quick and immediate response
            I have emailed my sub notes to school
            didn’t go back in last night
            wanted to but my ankle was swollen
            and I was crying anyway
            and the hill was too snowy
            to make it back up
is that I love you
and so many things about you
            Lois will be here any minute
            and my kitchen is messy like my heart
            so I’m doing dishes because it’s too bad
            for my friend and house cleaner
            to see although I know Lois
            will laugh if she catches me
your honesty
your willingness to push your students,
to push yourself
to take risks
            phone in hand laying down
            to call White Raven Healing Centre
            at All Nations Healing Hospital
            to cancel our interview with
            Margaret Keewatin at one
asking the tough questions
throwing yourself to the world and
ultimately exposing yourself
to the stark realities of life
            when the phone rings
            it’s Cathy
            I’ve forgotten
            Maureen Johns at the school
            this morning for her interview
your willingness to share
with me your humaness (is that really a word)
your high expectations of students
your belief in students capacity
your anger when students are disrespectful
and then more anger with self
when you respond to students through frustration
            my head is bowed on the phone
            cupping my forehead
            the dropped ball
            bouncing at my feet
I heard you today with Rod
and wasn't sure if I should join
the two of you in Rod's office 
I looked in the window
to see if Rod wanted me to come in
and he didn't indicate that I was needed
he is amazing
as are many of the people in the building 
            yes, I will email interview questions
            the audio recorder is in my right computer drawer
            beside my socks
            yes, I can talk you through it
            phone back when you’re ready   
I think I would like to read
the book you are reading
it sounds interesting
you talk about reaching some kids
but not sure about the others
and I think that is often
the reality in teaching
regardless of our style
there are some that it will suit
and others not so much
            when the red light is flashing
            and the numbers are at
            you are cued and ready
            just push the red button
            one more time
but you are willing to reflect
upon that fact and consequently
create again that vulnerable space
it is okay to cry
to be real
to be imperfect
            I hang up the phone
            Cathy and Maureen bouncing the ball
            I’d dropped
a necessary aspect
of all of that
is to also be reflective    
Rod has a reflective moment every day
where he looks at the day
what was good, bad, would change, is proud of
            I slept some, not enough
            finished Brene Brown’s book
            The Gifts of Imperfection
I think that is the difference
the "priceless" difference
you are always "reflecting"
and that is exhausting
I think your ankle is trying to tell you that
            a long hard look
            at our lives
            Michael and I
            his foot bruised, too
(when you came in to talk to me at noon
and were talking about your ankle
I was thinking
her body is responding to the struggles
she is experiencing in her head/heart) 
            Brown says that we are enough
            that we have enough
            enough time
            enough wisdom
            even enough money
            to live with gratitude
I am glad that you are looking
after your emotional, mental, physical, spiritual
professional, personal needs
and staying home tomorrow
            to live with joy
            Brene explains
            brings vulnerability
thank you Sheena for being in my world
teaching me and being
a source of love in my life
            and you, Cathy, a source of
            courage, compassion, and connection
            Brown words

No comments:

Post a Comment